Have you ever dreamt of becoming a bull rider?

Because I sure wish I hadn’t!

Now let’s be honest, We’ve all seen these mechanical bulls and in our drunken state thought, “That look’s like sexy fun times!”

But what we think is very different from our actions and when I decided it would be a good idea to mount the bull with a friend, I was in for a wide-eyed surprise!

The ‘ride’ starts slow, just fast enough so you start to convince yourself that this may have been your calling.

The song ‘Pony’ by Genuine pops into your head and you’re having a great time.

But then the operator notices you starting to get your groove on… you’re having too much fun and now its time to pay!

He quickly grabs the joystick controls and with a quick jab to the left and another to the right your head and neck are slammed into an invisible air wall; but thats just to get you started!

Then, like Dorothy riding inside the eye of the tornado, you are whipped into “the circle of unconsciousness.”

You are violently flicked off of the beast quicker than a booger off the guy’s finger sitting behind you on a city bus.

Startled and dizzy, you play it off like it was no big deal, meanwhile you are sure that at least two of your fingers are broken and you’ve lost your wallet.

These are the sexy fun times of the mechanical bull.

Mr. Fab ull whisperer