There must be several of me spread throughout Canada who got to the Big Brother producers ahead of me, because after meeting them in person, Mr. Fab sadly was not given a second interview.

Here is my story and the inside scoop from the Big Brother Audition in Montreal.

People were invited to begin to line up at Palais des congrès no earlier then 6am the day of the auditions and the ‘process’ was to start at 8am.

As I rolled out of bed at 6am in my hotel room, which was conveniently located across the street, I was still heavily intoxicated from the martinis I has been drinking a mere 3 hours prior.

It was time to hit snooze and try to wake up a few hours later.
Here is the time-line of how things played out when I finally crawled out of bed…

8:30 I decided to stumble out of bed and head to the shower, enroute I find a mysterious pumpkin I must have acquired the night before, I decide I’ll take it and gift it to the producers, after all… it was thanksgiving!

8:45 Arrive at Palais des congrès, receive a number while told to join the line.

9:15 The line has moved 3 inches and I start to sway; the martinis are not sitting well!

9:20 The girl behind me has started to sing in French a rendition of Celine Dion’s ‘My Heart Will Go On’.

9:21 I decide it’s best that I head back to the hotel for a recovery nap.

11:30 I re-awake less nauseous but very confused and decide to head back to resume my spot in line.

11:40 As I round the corner, horror sets in; the line and all the people are completely gone. I find a BB staff member and they re-issue me a new number and I am escorted to secondary holding

For the next 2 hours I sit with my new friends.

The girl, who I immediately bond with, I find out has previously appeared in Dragon’s Den trying to pitch a themed barber shop.

And the guy, drove down alone from Ottawa after his hung over friends lost the nerve.

1:30 We are placed into a group of 6; it’s time to go face to face with the producers.

As we near the table where the producer sits, I am shocked to see Trevor Boris, a personality from Much Music’s Video on Trial, in front of me.

I toss him the pumpkin and he starts the questioning.

#1 Why would you be a good house guest?

The entire group answers, most with a bunch of boring “I love the show” and “I’m competitive”, then it’s my turn.

“I’m cute!”

A simple answer which then Trevor polls the other 6 to find out if they agree…

“He’s not the hottest person I’ve ever seen, but yah, he’s alright!”

I am satisfied with my answer and the response.

#2 “based on the very little you know about each other, who would you evict first out of this group?”

Well we all know where this went… First 3 vote me out, then I pipe up….

“Y’all don’t all need to evict me first, I have no intentions on winning the show anyway, I’ll self destruct way before the final 3!”

Then I’m asked who I’d evict, and I direct my attention on the tiniest girl in the group.

“I’d evict you, you’re the smallest one and I’m least likely to borrow clothes from you, you gotta go”

The next thing you know we were all directed to the exit and told if they wanted to consider us for the show that they’d call us by 9pm that night.

Back to the hotel for a 5 hour power nap and when I awoke I had no missed calls or voice messages.

The producers were not interested in snagging Fab for season 1 of BB Canada.

Now this may deter a normal person, but not me!

I’ve decided to send a video to the BB team.

Now I will sit back and await for the police to arrive at my front door with a restraining order.

Call me if you change your mind! And good luck to all the contestants, please make some good TV!

Mr.Fab brother