As the real Santa Claus continues to manage the elves up in the North Pole several of his helpers have been doing more than just attending happy hours and wandering the streets of NYC
Some of them have been taking the wish lists of boys and girls all over the world direct from the kids, back up North to the big guy himself.
As a child many of my favorite movies depicted scenes of a man, dressed in red, sitting in the Macy’s department store. I dreamt that one day too I would break out of my small town and see him for myself.
A few weeks ago that dream came true when I took the ride up 5 flights on the original wooden escalators in Macy’s NYC!
And what I saw was a well-oiled workshop that has developed a perfect system on processing children.
Within seconds of entering the ‘North Pole’ you are shuffled into a random queue and given a jacked up elf leader. As you proceed, a talking tree suddenly shouts at you “the time has come”.
Frightened, I asked my elf guide (who claimed her name was ‘Beyonce’) what that meant… Before she could answer, another elf whispered “gingerbread” and I was left standing alone in the forest maze.
As I maneuvered myself between rogue children lying on the floor, I saw another elf in the distance.
This one, named ‘Fancy Pants’, gave me the once over and for the next 30 seconds my visit to Santa had turned into an elf speed date. I fled when the buzzer went off and as I rounded the corner 6 hallways appeared before me.
Then it hit me… This place wasn’t designed for a solo Santa but a team of Santa’s, behind every door and down every hallway where different men dressed in red. This was a virtual ‘Choose your own Santa Adventure’!
Making my choice I walked through the door and there, right in front of me, what I had waited all these years for!
I think I had picked the best Santa, this one looked bathed and had nice breath, he had that special glimmer in his eyes!
As I nuzzled in beside him and put my hand on his thigh, I realized all my childhood dreams had come true!
Mr. Fab pole